Rejection is perhaps the cruelest, but most necessary part of being human...
"The candidate pool was really competitive, and while we were impressed with your credentials, we've decided to continue with another candidate."
"I think you're great, and you deserve only the best. Unfortunately, I just don't see a future."
"There were a lot of competitive offers, and unfortunately the homeowners decided to accept another offer."
"The volume of applications was very high and we really needed to narrow it down to specific grade point averages. We won't be able to accept you at our university at this time."
"You can't sit with us."
"You can't play with me."
"You can't join our group or team."
"You aren't invited."
You aren't wanted.
Rejection.
Perhaps the cruelest part of the human experience. It's unavoidable, and it starts long before the middle school girl lunch table. Third graders experience it on the playground and toddlers experience it in daycare.
The truth is, being told "no" is about so much more than being told "no." It carries with it an identity we believe about ourselves. Being denied something we wanted gets interrupted as unwanted.
Why? "Probably because I'm not good enough." I'm too "this" and not enough "that," or if only I was more like [her]. It's influential to how we see ourselves, but not just ourselves, it impacts our perspective on our lives.
It distorts it, and discourages us. While we can't avoid the 100+ times we'll be told "no" in our lives, somehow it hurts just the same at 26 as it did at 13.
Recently, I was told "no" from a writing opportunity I was so excited about, and probably put a little too much hope in. I spent 5+ hours preparing my notes and answers to questions I assumed they would ask me. After two conversations, and praying for God to keep this door opened, I received the dreaded, soul-crushing email "No."
Well, there were a few more words than that, but to me, all the filler words were just noise around the answer I didn't want to hear-- "we aren't choosing you."
Even after being told no to various other similar opportunities, I don't think I'll ever get used to the familiar word "no." It's rejection. And rejection hurts. It opens the floodgates to the tsunami of thoughts "you're not good enough," "you'll never be good enough," "they'll never choose your work."
I started at my recently framed degree and let the tears run down my face. It felt like my years of hard work would never pay off beyond the wall that it hung on. I felt hopeless, tired, like a failure, and wondered if it was worth it to keep trying (or if I could take hearing another "no.")
My sister and I have always been best friends. She's seen me at my lowest (a few times in 26 years), and I've painfully seen her at her lowest, too. I'm a bit more emotional, so it's apparent when I'm in one of life's valleys, but I was so grateful to be near her when I got the news.
She's only 23, but sometimes has the wisdom of a 60 year old. She reminded me that it wasn't about me, or my work; this is just a live example of not understanding God's plan for me.
Why is that so much easier to tell others than to believe it for yourself? But as much as we don't want to hear it sometimes, it's true. That job, that boy, that school, that realtor, those girls, that team... they're not telling you no, God's telling you no.
The saying "rejection is just re-direction" is so corny and makes me cringe, but it's true. If God closes a door, trust that it's for your benefit. He knows things you don't, He sees things you don't, and He has written a plan to give you what's best.
Rejection is just part of the process of finding what is for you. I've said it before, but faith is finding what is for you. I've said it before, but faith is like a muscle. If we don't exercise it, it will never get strong, and not sure about you, but I want a strong faith.
That's not to invalidate the emotions that come with rejection. They're hard! So take care of yourself, surround yourself with good friends, be gentle with yourself, allow yourself rest, be kind to yourself and spend time doing some of your favorite things.
But most of all, spend time with Jesus. He's not only there for you, He's there with you. He says you're enough, He wants you to trust His greater plan, and if dying on the cross doesn't show you how much you're wanted by Him, I don't know what does.
Friend, you have always been good enough and wanted, because Jesus says so.
