Last month I took a deep dive into motherhood to acknowledge the fraction of things our mothers sacrificed and still do for us in honor of Mother's Day. This month I want to do the same thing for dads.
Unfortunately this year, I was not able to see my dad for Father's Day so when I was home the week before for his birthday, it was important to me to still acknowledge both of my dad's holidays because of everything he's done for our family.
Like moms, father relationships can be complicated and bring with it a variety of emotions. Some people had very (physically or emotionally) absent fathers. Some people had very strict fathers with unrealistic expectations for their children, and some had fathers who made them feel like they needed to earn their love.
I've heard it before that your relationship with your father is arguably slightly more influential than with your mother because, for believers, your relationship with your earthly father determines how you believe your heavenly Father sees you.
If you felt like nothing you did as a kid was ever good enough to your dad, you're probably going to constantly be striving to make God happy, and completely misunderstand the point of the gospel and why Jesus came... the concept of unconditional grace may never be understood if you don't believe you've ever experienced it.
The sad thing is, fathers who are absent or any level of abusive to their children probably experienced the same thing from their father, and so forth. It's really just a devastating cycle that without the grace of God and intentionality, it will continue.
The older I get, the more I see and understand everything my dad sacrificed for our family. My dad studied architecture and then horticulture. He could have been an architect or his own freelance landscape design business, but practically he choose a blue-collar job that allowed him to be at home by 4 everyday and have the weekends off.
It was because of my dad that my sister and I were able to try any sport or hobby we were interested in as kids, and obtain the higher education that set us up for success as young adults because of the wise stewardship my dad had with the resources God graciously gave him and my mom.
I think about being a kid and how my dad sacrificed his time he could have used to rest or get something done around the house and instead taught me how to throw, bat, and coach my softball team. In high school, I don't think there was one volleyball game in four years that he missed.
We would be lined up for the National Anthem and I'd see my dad in his work uniform usually standing somewhere above the bleachers so he could get a better view.
I owe it to my dad for teaching me how to think, how to think for myself instead of like everyone else, how to ask questions, and to love learning. My dad taught me work ethic and discipline when it came to [home]work before play. I always felt understood by my dad being a fellow high-introvert who's always thinking and listening more than we're speaking, and I watched and adopted his contentment with a consistent, simple life.
I see more and more as I get older that I'm a lot like my dad, and I love the things we still get to do together even though I don't live at home anymore.
Men today get a lot of heat, and I've come to understand over the years that dads, and men in general, have a lot of pressure. While women do too, men are wired in a different way to protect and provide, and when they have a family, it's a lot of pressure to feel responsible for their protection and provision.
Men are looked to to be leaders, and being a leader comes with a lot of stress and pressure as everyone looks to you to have the perfect answers for everything. Men are under a lot of pressure to make sure they feel like they have things together before they can lead others.
In the Bible, men were assigned to be the ultimate example of Christ in their community and family, to lead with humility, and if God chooses, love their wife the way Jesus loved and died for the church. God has some very high standards for men, and again, the older I get the more I see the pressure my own male friends carry. And it's very different from the pressures I carry.
Our dads are still human. It does not excuse any permanent damage they may have caused, but I believe it is important to still ask the Lord to help you extend grace and try to understand the pressure any man of God is under.
Whether you're a wife, a daughter, a sister, friend, or mother, I think it's always important to remind the men in our life that we appreciate and respect who God made him to be. Remind him that he gains his strength and worth from God and God alone, who intentionally and thoughtfully made him him how He did and put him in the position he is in knowing that with His Spirit, they are just the man for the job.
Acknowledge that you see him, and consistently point him to the ultimate protector and provider. Whether you're a man who feels you've fallen short, or someone who has been hurt by the man/men in your life, remember that your Father who made you sent His Son to die for you, He is always faithful, He will never let you down, He is everything you will ever need, He will never leave you, He will equip you, provide for you, protect you, and nothing could ever separate you from His love and grace.
Comments