One day He will show you why He was holding you back while everyone went ahead.
I think whether you're a 22 year old fresh college graduate, or a 38 year old who's been in the workforce for some time, everyone can relate to feeling left behind or even forgotten-- especially by God.
The truth is, it's hard to feel stuck and forced to watch exciting new things happen to "everyone else"-- but you. Not only that, but you feel forced to watch people receive the things you have been pleading for, for years.
To paint the picture more vividly, sometimes it feels like violently squirming in a chair desiring to move or change where you are, but God is insistent to hold you down, keep change from happening, and allow you to feel teased and taunted by everything that He's denying you right now.
Eventually, you get too tired to fight anymore and maybe slowly become numb to watching the progress of everyone's life. If you're new to the "Quietly Living" blog, I apologize haha. I'm a very deep thinker and feeler and am not shy when writing about them through metaphors.
Recently, I experienced this heavy feeling through a major event that happened at my place of employment. In one day, many lost their jobs, a lot of roles and responsibilities changed, and a large handful of people were recruited to a new young & hip team.
I'm just gonna be honest because why lie to y'all; the Bible says do not envy (and I can't express how thankful to God I am that He allowed me to keep my job), but as a 26 year old woman with big dreams and maybe too much motivation, my selfish sinful nature had me crying, "God, thank you for the ways you blessed so many people with new opportunities in this change, but what about me?"
Before you think it, don't worry, I know God blessed me by protecting my job-- this subject can get messy. At the end of the day, though, when things like this happen, it invites feelings of overlooked, unvalued, unworthy, inferior and forgotten.
Feelings that, while they are not true, sure do carry a lot of weight. If you've ever felt that way, I see you. I wish I had the answers, but while I can't provide that, I can provide a place for us to process together.
Feeling sad, angry or bitter are valid-- and it's important to let yourself feel what you're feeling fully: without feeling ashamed-- otherwise you won't be able to fully forgive, accept and trust God's unique plan for you.
Sometimes I think Christianity makes people feel bad for having any emotion other than joy. We're expected to magically be able to immediately forgive and forget, but that's not how we're created.
Part of being human-- and I think the most beautiful thing about being human-- is the ability to have emotions. And with heavy emotions comes the need for processing them.
In the story of Joseph, his brothers sold him into slavery, he was falsely accused and thrown into prison, and it wasn't until eventually he become king over all Egypt.
But when he saw his brothers for the first time in over a decade, he didn't run to them with open arms saying, "Bros! It's all good. Don't even worry about the past, it all worked out- we're cool."
No.
He initially didn't tell them who he was and we're told "Joseph spoke harshly to them." I'm sure I know the exact feeling he felt; Unexpectedly seeing someone(s) who deeply hurt you doesn't invite the same fuzzy feelings you get when you see an old teacher that you loved.
It wasn't for another couple chapters until Joseph showed authentic mercy to them. Don't get me wrong, this isn't me saying that it's okay to hold a grudge until you're ready to forgive... that's different from processing emotions. I'm saying it's okay to feel hurt. This world is broken, and life is hard down here!! God knows, so tell Him about it.
In times like these, when I just feel irrelevant, out-of-place and confused, I remember the Bible says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17).
All things are carefully held and controlled by a good, loving God, who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and loves you more than you could ever comprehend.
I don't know your situation, but I do know that no matter how unfair or hurtful something may feel, your Creator and God has not forgotten about you. It's hard right now, but one day He will show you why He was holding you back while everyone went ahead. He has something better and unique for you in mind.
Faith is hard, but trust that if you love Jesus, He has a brilliant plan for you that's so much better than whatever you lost.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." -Ephesians 3:20
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