Tough times don't last, tough people do

And my God will meet all of your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

I hope you all don't mind a slightly more personal blog post today:) I'll be honest, I was not expecting much joy this Christmas. As much as I try to be like the Apostle Paul, "content in all circumstances" (Philippians 4:11--13), I was ready for this Christmas to be a hard one.

On the Monday before Thanksgiving, my dad picked me up at the Amtrak train and on our way home he told me the doctors found cancer in my mom's body. I remember my throat went dry, I got light-headed, and I didn't know what to say or think.

My dad held my hand, took me to my favorite breakfast place (we sat at the counter-- I love sitting at the counter), and told me "Tough times don't last, tough people do," but I pretty much cried for 3 days straight.

It was weird looking at my mom knowing she was sick but seeing her physically look okay. She was scheduled for surgery on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, and the pathology report would follow a week after.

Whatever the results were, my mom would need to rest and recover for at least 6 weeks since they were removing an entire organ from her body. That meant no cleaning, no cooking, no lifting of heavy things, limited driving, and generally taking it easy until the new year.

I remember feeling so overwhelmed and whispering to God, "How am I going to work, finish school, take care of my mom, cook, clean, and prepare for Christmas?" I felt like I needed to be strong and on top of things for my family, but with Jesus, I could just "be."

We let all of our friends and family know what was happening, and my work was gracious to let me stay with my family in Chicago. The night before ma's surgery, she and I sat in her bed and prayed an honest, intimate, submissive prayer to God.

We asked for His name to be glorified through this, and we left the results in His hands. Only He knew what was happening and what was to come. We clung to the fact that no matter what happened, He was still good.

As grateful as I am to live in the United States, in the 21st century with modern medicine and technology, I didn't want to put my trust or hope in any of it, but instead in the ultimate power and mercy of God.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

(Psalm 20:7)

The day of the surgery, my mom, dad, and I went to the hospital in the morning and spent the entire day there. They gave my dad a buzzer, like what you get at restaurants, so they could let us know throughout the day when we could see her.

Right before she went into surgery, there were about 30 minutes we could sit with her until the nurses brought her back. My mom listened to her favorite song, "Goodness of God," and then the 3 of us held hands and I prayed.

One of the last things I told her was Joshua 1:9:

This is my command, be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Those who know me know that this is a very special verse to me. My mom taught me this verse when I was 9 years old and had paralyzing panic attacks at school. She taught me to go to the bathroom, rinse cold water on my wrists, and repeat this verse until the fear subsided.

It was an overwhelmingly beautiful and special moment to be able to tell her that verse almost 20 years later. Over two hours later, the doctor told my dad and me that the surgery went as planned and we could see her and take her home 2--- 3 hours later.

Getting to see my mom again was one of the most joy-filled moments that I've had in a long time. The nurse gave my dad and me a long list of specific instructions for how to take care of her at home.

My dad is an arborist, I'm a writer, and my sister is a public relations specialist... no one has any medical background...

So we took it one day at a time, asking the Lord for His daily strength, and praying for His complete healing of my mom. God blessed us with generous neighbors and friends who sent meals and flowers, but for the week after her surgery, I felt like my mind was holding its breath everyday.

I kept busy by constantly working, studying, meal prepping, and cleaning, but the phone call we were all waiting for kept us from truly resting.

A week later, the phone call came that my mom was cancer-free :) God kept the cancer contained in one place in her body and they were able to remove all of it during surgery. With little treatment to do, I am overwhelmed by God's grace on our family.

This intense journey was only 3 weeks long, but it felt like I lived a whole other year. God's healing hand is incomprehensible, but I think the most beautiful part of all was knowing that people were praying for my mom and our family all over the world :)

My mom has done some decent traveling in her life, and she has touched a lot of people. Sitting in the waiting room knowing people were lifting her to God from places as far east as Alaska, to as south as South Africa filled my eyes with tearful gratitude and peace.

God is good, and He hears us.

But I know this is not everyone's story, and if you are going through something similar, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I'm not going to act like I have the right words to say, so I encourage you to keep seeking the One who does. In the waiting, the praying, and the silence, He is with you, He cares about you, and He will give you what you need at this moment-- I promise.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)