I want to be content with my life not based on how it compares to other's
Everyone has their own convictions on this matter, and for some reason, this was a big decision that I spent almost a year of prayer on.
Social media gave the beautiful opportunity to keep up with old classmates, distant relatives, celebrate those who celebrate and weep with those who weep.
However, I think similarly to what happens with any good thing in a broken world, good things can turn sour and become a tool of damage and harm. I was late to the social media world by not having a presence until many years after my classmates did (although, as I get older, the more I'm not surprised by this. I've always subconsciously lived life on my own timeline-- at a rate most believe is "behind").
I've enjoyed watching those I went to kindergarten with grow up and become lawyers, doctors, spouses and parents. I've enjoyed following uplifting accounts like Proverbs 31 Ministries, joenasandiego, women of faith, live original, and so many other encouraging and inspiring accounts.
I believe God has spoken to me through accounts like these, and I know His ways and communication to us cannot be confined into a box. I also believe in the importance of having accounts like those mentioned to be a light to people in a space that can equally be very dark.
I also love taking photos and creating travel highlight videos of my adventures, but at the end of the day, what I have prayerfully determined for myself is that keeping social media is not worth the cost I've paid.
I once set a goal to be off of Instagram by 30, and while I'm a few years short of that, I don't think I need to wait to experience the freedom and healing that I believe leaving social media will do for me. The truth is, social media just isn't a good thing for some people.
You can argue that you can mute certain accounts, take breaks, follow only encouraging content, set time limits, etc. but none of these things seem to make long-lasting impact- for me. None of these things solve the problem of being addicted to the dopamine one receives from scrolling on a screen, the hurt you feel when someone cancels you online, the discouragement you feel when followers and likes drop, and the disappointment you experience when you fixate on specific person(s) not "liking" your content.
These things ~mess~ with a person, and to me, it felt like they morphed my mind in a way that made me forget that I live only to please God (not others). Personally, I've felt convicted that if I want to be encouraged by God and His Word, I want to go to His Word; not someone's post about it.
As someone who has been open about my journey struggling with a long-time eating disorder, it's hard not to see content online about food, exercise, life, and even certain people, places and body types that can trigger unhealthy thinking patterns and behaviors.
Everyone knows social media is a highlight reel, and much of what we see is not completely true or what it seems (things are rarely as good as they look); however, the more I thought about this, the more confused I became about how this fact seems to bother so many people, yet the same people who agree with how toxic social media can be, partake in the same things that they put others down for.
More than that, what has really convicted me about social media is how it's felt like it's robbed me of being present and presently content. I open the Instagram app and it's like being engulfed in a film-- I'm sucked into a world on a screen that shows me way too much information, all the places I've never been, all the things I don't have, all the things that I'm not, and then I look up feeling unsettled and empty from those 5 minutes (or however long) I also had no concept of where I was physically or who was physically around me.
Some people love this form of escapism, it numbs uncomfortable feelings and makes you forget about your tough day at work and how you wish your life was different, but in my own life, it's important to me to live completely present in the world and life God has, by no mistake, put me in. And as I grow more private the older I get, the more I don't feel the need to share the simple and monumental blessings and joys in my life with "everyone."
Personally, I don't want to add to the illusion that one person's life is better or more blessed than another. I don't want to feed into the comparison trap that is inevitably produced when you mix a cinematic app with a human being.
I also think it's very easy to come across as bragging or boastful online, and again in my own life for the past year, I've felt very convicted to ensure God (not I) receive all the credit for any blessing He chooses to give me in my life. I think it's important to acknowledge that every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17), and while captions and even pictures can capture this, again, I agree with Paul that everyone has their own convictions (Romans 14:22).
Furthermore, social media can also encourage the thinking that God is not good, powerful, sovereign, or faithful based on how your circumstances and life compare to another; all things we know are not true.
I think social media can turn good things into idols (something I believe Christians especially should take very seriously), and the correlation between rising social media and anxiety and depression is not a coincidence.
There are many studies already completed on how scrolling and social media in general transforms our brains- shrinking things like patience, contentment, peace, focus and creativity- and so instead of spending time keeping up with other people's lives, I realized I'd rather use my time and energy to live my own.
I also want more time and energy to heal from the things I need to be healed from, learn the things I've always wanted to learn, read the things I've wanted to read, and do the things I've wanted to do.
I want to be present in what I'm doing without the temptation to mindlessly scroll.
I want to be content with my life, but not based on how it compares to other's, but rather because God has a perfect purpose, plan and life for me.
I've considered and prayed through how this could impact my ability to share my writing and meet new people, but again, in my year of joy (joy was my word for 2024), when I ask myself "Hannah, does this bring you joy?" The answer is no.
If you find encouragement and enjoyment in social media, do not do something contractive to how you feel based on someone else's experience. I have family members who love encouraging others in their life through the comment section, and I love that they are a light to people who may need just that- a little encouragement.
I will continue to write blogs every other week and I am so excited :) So, if you are interested in continuing to read these blogs, I encourage you to subscribe to my website (there will be some fun content coming soon). Instead of reading these through a link on Instagram, if you subscribe, you will get an email to your inbox.
If you ever want to connect with me and talk about all things regarding faith and eating disorders, please don't hesitate to reach out to me! My email is hannahkuhn@me.com
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It is such a privilege to write content that people read, and I don't take this blessing for granted. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you continue to find encouragement in what's to come :)
Some upcoming blogs~
Sharing the gospel with Ireland
Reverse psychology doesn't work with God
16 month absence
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)
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