Fully Known and Fully Loved

The One who knows you best loves you the most.

Written by guest writer: Emily Shafer

If we’re being honest, we all want to be loved. We want people to choose us, not because they need us, but because they want us. But part of being loved is being known, and being known is not so easy. Being known takes vulnerability. It takes courage. It means sharing the parts of us that make us cringe and fill us with guilt and shame.

In his book, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, Author Tim Keller wrote, “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” We don’t solely want to be loved or solely want to be known. We want both.

For most of us, 2020-2021 was difficult due to COVID-19. For me, it was more than COVID that made those years so difficult. It was poor choices that led me down a spiral. To be fair, I started going downhill a few years earlier, but by the end of 2020, I was sliding down a slippery slope.

Without going into too much detail, I was really struggling with singleness and loneliness. This led to many poor decisions, things I wish I’d never done. I had been known as the good Christian girl, the girl who didn’t make mistakes, but there I was drowning in the secret decisions I was making. The guilt and anxiety from it all often brought me to tears and I needed a way out.

During that time, I heard a podcast with a pastor talking about how important confession is. He quoted James 5:16, which reads, “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed…” (NIV).

Confess… so that you may be healed. Confession is the beginning of healing. Being known is the beginning of healing.

It took me a while to open up about the things I was doing, but eventually I shared with one person. And then one more person. And then another. I began sharing the specific details of my story and several people said they struggled with the same things. Not one person responded to me with judgment or harsh words. It was so incredibly freeing to open up and be known by the people around me.

Through this, I realized there are people who want to know me so they can love me, and I believe with everything in me there are people who want to know and love you as well.

Maybe for you being known doesn’t mean confessing a sin struggle like it did for

me. Maybe it looks like being honest about the things you like and dislike. Maybe it’s sharing about your family or cultural background. Maybe it’s opening up about things that have happened to you in the past. My encouragement to you is that you would let people in. (A word of caution: Be wise - you don’t have to tell everyone you meet about your deepest thoughts and secrets - but tell a few trusted friends).

People want to know you. People want to love you.

I leave you with this final remark: The One who knows you best loves you the most. When you feel unknown and unloved by the world, remember that the God who created you, who knows every intricate detail about you, loves you deeply just as you are.