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Writer's pictureHannah Kuhn

Fractured Friendships

As memories flood and reality hits, it's hard not to ask the million dollar question, "why?"


It's a funny concept how years seem to go by so quickly, but the days can feel like they go by so slowly.

About 2 years ago, I enrolled in a masters degree Ii never expected to pursue and one week from today, it will be over.

It's interesting how while I definitely enjoyed the days in between, generally, I felt like I had my head down, focused on school... until now.

As I near the end, it feels like I've picked my head up and noticed everything that's changed. Especially friendships.

A lot of the people who supported me in the beginning of my degree have since moved on, and some of the people who are cheering me on at the finish line weren't there at the starting line.

The small group that's been there the whole time I found I have a new appreciation and gratitude for. But as the memories flood and reality hits, it's hard to not cry, blame yourself, and ask the million dollar question, "Why?"

Whether you were friends for one year or eight, losing friends is hard. It's hard to accept that people whom you confided in with about your deepest burdens are no longer in your life. It's especially hard when that trust is broken. It's hard to choose to trust people again, and it's hard not to blame yourself for being the reason they walked away.

Some people cope by telling themselves "maybe some of these friends will come back," but personally I think that is a potential set up for a false hope disaster.

I don't have a beautiful answer to any of this because I still don't quite understand it myself. I suppose this is just another painful example that we live in a broken world.

My mind is still processing how memories that once gave me joy now make me sad, but when my mind is bombarded with these same memories holding different emotions, I try to hold on to the variety of things that are true.

  • Just because someone no longer fits in your life now, does not mean they were never supposed to-- you are probably a much different version of yourself now, and like clothing, some people you outgrow

  • Nothing happens in your life that surprises God

  • All things are under The Lord's feet//in His control (Ephesians 1:22-23)

  • He removes or prunes all branches that no longer support life (John 15)

  • He is with you always (Matthew 28:20)

  • He works all things together for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28)

  • He sees, He knows, and He cares

  • No matter what happens in your life-- your worth and value does not change

  • Some people are truly for a season; There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3)

  • Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding."

  • He makes all things new! (Revelation 21:5)


I am so excited to complete this goal of mine next week, but on days when these memories carry more weight than normal, it's important to be kind and gracious to yourself.

I find it does me no good to try and push through, but instead let myself be sad in the moment. Take it slow, put on my favorite pair of overalls, go for a walk, make a cup of coffee or matcha, sit and read in the sunshine, write, or watch some uplifting videos that bring me joy.

Losing friends, hopes and dreams is hard, and it's hard to not wish they were never apart of your story. Trust that God, who wrote your story knows what He's doing. Those people once gave you joy, but He what He takes away, He will replace with something that brings you even more joy. Just wait and trust the process.

"Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning!" --Psalm 30:5
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byoakum67
Mar 01

Congratulations on finishing your masters! That’s quite an accomplishment. In my 50’s, my friend circle is tighter and smaller than it was in my 20’s but so much richer and meaningful. This phase of our lives is so different and the desire to compete or compare no longer exists- so we reflect and chat and smile instead . I’m grateful to God for my friends and how they lift me when my faith falters, rally around during loss, and celebrate the victories. Hannah thank you for this reflective post; because of it I plan on letting my friends know how much I appreciate them.

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Hannah Kuhn
Hannah Kuhn
Mar 04
Replying to

Thank you so much! I am very excited for the season of life when it doesn't feel like a race to the next thing, nor a competition for who appears more successful. I'm grateful for friendships, too, and I'm so grateful to hear this post encouraged you :)

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