Be kind to her...

There's probably a reason she is the way she is.

I had just returned to work after being gone for two months. My mom was very sick and recovering from an emergency surgery, so my boss graciously allowed me to work from Chicago to be with my family. 

It was probably the hardest two months of my life (in all areas– physically, mentally and emotionally). We were weary, and exhausted, and spiritual warfare was at its peak. By God’s grace, my mom is completely healed and doing very well, but I remember coming back to where I live now and feeling like I had just come back from living another life. 

I walked into the office and coincidentally passed by a small group of employees who had previously made it clear I wasn’t their cup of tea. It’s always hard to feel ostracized and disliked, but it’s especially hard when it’s from people who don’t know anything about you. 

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is, you’re not going to be liked or accepted by everybody (but maybe that’s a good thing). And while I knew this, and this occurrence was nothing new with this group, that day in particular, they hurt a little more than normal. 

I remember thinking, “Lord! I wish someone would tell them the extent my family and I just went through so they would be nice to me and feel bad for their actions towards me!” I’m just being honest. And then I realized, my thinking made me no better than them. 

They didn’t know anything about me, but I also didn’t know anything about them. Maybe they mistake my quiet nature for being stuck up, and maybe I mistook their mean behavior as something more personal than what it was. 

Our flesh is sinful, so it’s natural to want others to feel the pain they inflict on us, but that’s not what Jesus calls us to do or how He calls us to be. 

His Word says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:43-44). To me, my enemy is anyone who causes me pain. These colleagues weren’t persecuting me the way we know persecution, but they were causing me pain from feeling misunderstood (I agree, persecution is not the right word). 

Trying to ignore them wasn’t effective, and it got to the point where I was getting anxious as I got ready in the morning from fear I would run into them. After eventually bringing this up to my therapist and family, I was reminded of how Jesus calls us to respond– we can usually know it’s from Jesus because it’s never easy. 

So, instead of letting anxiousness control me in the morning, I decided to start praying for them. I prayed for God to bless their lives and their days. I prayed for the courage to be kind if I passed them, and I prayed for the steady reminder that my worth only comes from God and what He says about me. 

In all honesty, their hearts weren’t changed, but mine was. I wasn’t afraid to see them anymore, and I eventually was no longer affected by their actions. 

Months later, I noticed that one of the employees was a guest on one of our podcasts and I had the opportunity to write the show notes for the episode. 

I remember the pain of feeling mistreated by people who didn’t know me, and I thought perhaps this was a chance to better understand at least one of them.

After listening to their story, it was further solidified that everyone goes through something. God molded my heart not only to be kind, but to also have compassion. 

So be kind to her (or him); you have stuff, but so does she. 

Maybe you can relate to feeling misunderstood by a neighbor, someone at church, a classmate, or even a distant family member. It’s easy to feel like this person (or people) is your enemy, and even if they are, remember that even Jesus prayed for His enemies who killed Him on the cross “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). 

God may or may not change their heart– you do not need to be understood to have peace– but you can certainly expect Him to change your heart. I also wanted to acknowledge that some scenarios are much more extreme than being poorly treated by an individual. 

Even in more serious cases, remember that God sees everything, He is the ultimate judge– so we don’t have to be– and when He judges the world and everyone in it, He will have the final say. 

Pray for your enemies.