Are you mourning?

Mourning exists beyond funerals because think about it-- you mourn because you lost something, whether expected or not, and even if you saw it coming it still hurts.

I'm all about dramatic headlines-- hopefully you've caught on to that. I also feel compelled to make sure everyone knows that I'm okay (haha); I just realized this is the third somewhat serious topic, but I promise everything is okay. These are just the things I have been reflecting on recently and wanted to share.

My mom was recently remembering an old, sweet friendship that went sour. While this happened almost ten years ago, she was still trying to validate that while she saw this end coming, she did everything she could.

I asked her, "mom, did you ever allow yourself to mourn that friendship?" Mourning exists beyond funerals because think about it-- you mourn because you lost something, whether expected or not, and even if you saw it coming it still hurts.

Over the past year, I've had to grieve the loss of friendships, ideas, dreams and places. People who were only supposed to be in my life for a season, dreams and ideas I desperately wanted to achieve, and even places that had once been so ingrained in my routine that eventually made clear to me that I didn't belong there anymore.

For my own privacy reasons, I choose to keep the details vague, because that's not the message here. What's important is recognizing and validating the hurt you feel when something or someone(s) so prevalent in your life are no longer there.

I've found that when I let myself mourn the things God gently, or quickly, took away from me, I am able to fully let it go and be ready to receive what He has for me instead.

Now, depending on what it is, the mourning process can vary from being as short as a weekend, to as long as many months. You cannot rush the time your mind and body need to mourn. If you do, you will only end up suppressing those emotions, and they will boil over later. Sometimes much later.

Everyone mourns differently, but today I thought I'd highlight how I grieve the things and people I have lost to paint a picture for someone looking to know how to do it.

First, I let myself be sad, mad and even hurt. Maybe you're asking, how do you let yourself be what you naturally feel? Whatever you're feeling towards a person, place, idea, or even God, don't condemn yourself for feeling what you feel. By making excuses for them, you are invalidating your feelings and therefore suppressing them.

The more you embrace those emotions, the sooner you will recover from them. When I embrace feeling sad, disappointed, frustrated or angry, I make sure I treat myself gently.

How? I journal by raw feelings to God. He wants us to be honest with Him, even if it's God, I feel forsaken by You. I practice discipline by doing the things that I know will keep me healthy in both mind and body; like going to bed early, waking up early, taking my vitamins, drinking water, stretching or walking/spending time outside, reading the Bible, and praying.

When I say that I pray, I mean like a lot-- like a lot a lot. Throughout my day, I am in constant communication with Jesus about how I'm feeling (Jesus I'm weary, I'm sad, I'm confused, this is really hard) and I also say aloud the things I know to be true about Him.

My favorite place to talk to God is walking around the lake near my house. I go everyday in my favorite overalls, no headphones, and I just be in the presence of the sounds of the water, the bird, the creatures by the lake, the wild flowers and trees. Sometimes I cry, other times I skip (not very long though, it gets tiring), and sometimes I'll just stop and taking a slow deep breathe.

It's my favorite way to process what I'm thinking and feeling, so I can be thankful for how these people or places served my life, and then accept that God's nudge "this isn't for you anymore, Hannah" and let them go.

Secondly, (well maybe this is more like twenty-first thing) and maybe it's a little materialistic, but I'll reasonably treat myself here and there when I know my heart needs a little extra love.

I'll get my favorite smoothie bowl for lunch, an afternoon coffee, my favorite dairy-free ice cream, a new shirt from my favorite store.

By doing these things, I am able to process the loss in a healthy way, and be secure in the truth that there is nothing outside of God's control. Change can be scary and hard, but I find peace when I remember that God has my best interest in mind.

"Behold, I am making all things new." -- Revelation 21:5