His ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts our thoughts.
When I was a little girl, I'm talking 7,8 or 9, I started praying the same big and consistent prayer to God. Every night before I went to sleep, I thanked God for the day, and I prayed, "God, please allow my grandparents to see me graduate college and get married one day. And please protect my family from cancer." It's probably not that surprising for a little kid to pray something like that.
I prayed that prayer all the time through middle school because even though I knew I couldn't control the future, it gave me peace of mind telling the things I hoped for to the One who I knew did control the future.
Growing up, I didn't have a very big family. When kids at school talked about getting together with their cousins for holidays, my sister and I were a little envious and sad that we wouldn't know what that was like.
With no cousins and very distant relatives, our holidays consisted of my younger sister, my parents, my grandparents, my grandpa from the other side of the family, and two great-aunts. For my sister and me, these seven people were our whole world- our whole family.
So of course, I wanted them to be at every major event in my life, and I knew they would love to be at these big life events too. They came to every orchestra concert, recital, ice skating show, volleyball game, softball game, and art show. They were always so proud of everything we did, and the idea of not seeing them in the audience one day was devastating.
About a week before I graduated eighth grade, my grandpa passed away from ARDS leaving my grandma a widow. A couple of years later, we lost both my great aunts, and about seven months before my college commencement ceremony, the Lord called my other grandpa home at the age of 89.
Within my 26 years, both of my parents have had cancer, and these days, my grandma's Alzheimer's makes it difficult for her to remember who I am. Honestly, some days it's hard to remember that only my parents and sister were able to see me graduate college; and any time I go to a wedding, it's hard to realize that if I get married one day, none of my grandparents will be able to be there to celebrate it with me.
My family's table has always been very small so when a chair becomes vacant, it leaves a hole that feels massive and heavy. Sometimes I wish God would reveal things about the future to me, but then I think about how if He had told my nine-year-old self that He was not willing to allow my one, consistent and bold prayer request, I know I would have doubted His goodness.
I don't know why He allowed both of my parents to have cancer (but I praise Him that they are now cancer-free), or why He took my grandparents before they could see such a major milestone moment in my sister and my life- like a graduation, but I do know that His ways are perfect, and that regardless of what happens in my life or in this world, He is good.
I'm not sharing this today for pity (there's no need to feel sorry, this is just the reality of a sin-stained life on earth), I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only one who asks bold requests to God and assumes He will grant them because they sound generous or like a plan that makes complete sense.
Isaiah 55:8 says, "His thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are His ways our ways." His plans, purposes and timing are perfect, and if we are not perfect nor know perfection, how could we question the only One who is?
With the start of a new year, I know a lot of people are making big, lofty goals and plans. I want to remind you that while you can make your plans, the Lord will establish your footsteps (Proverbs 19:21), and if He says no to one of your plans or requests (no matter how great they sound), this is not a demonstration of His lack of care or goodness.
Trust that His ways are best, His plan is perfect, and even if you don't understand what He is doing or why He allowed (or didn't allow) something, He is good.
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