My mom’s always told me how transparent I am with my feelings. While I don’t usually like to share what I’m feeling, she says my feelings are always portrayed on my face (whether I like it or not). So I’m gonna be transparent about something. I, like way way WAY, too many girls struggle with body image. And I think it’s been going on for longer than I’d like to admit. In fact it wasn’t until last year, I was a junior in college, when an avoidable incident confronted me face-on and I had no choice but to admit there was a problem. If that didn’t happen though, I wouldn’t have gained the wisdom I have now. I wouldn’t be able to write this blog, or (hopefully) encourage others through what I learned and know now.
I don’t know who, I don’t where, and I don’t know when, but someone somewhere at some time came up with the ridiculous idea that there was one type of perfect body and all the rest were ugly, unworthy and unhealthy. My friends, there couldn’t be a bigger and more dangerous lie. As a Christian, I believe God made not three, but many different body types for both men and women. He didn’t design one to be idolatry and for the others to do everything possible to be like that one body; He made all body types perfect, worthy and healthy just the way they are. While we should take care of our bodies by eating right, exercising and sleeping, we need to do these things, not to look like others, but to be the best and healthiest version of ourselves.
I remember being a typical high schooler who had red marks on her face and couldn’t help but pick at them and mess with them. Of course- the more you mess with something, the longer it takes to heal. But I couldn’t help myself. So, I came up with a solution to tape a small piece of paper on the mirror just big enough so I could see all but my face in the mirror. What I couldn’t see, I couldn’t mess with, or think about. Somehow I came up with that on my own, and looking back on that 6 years later, I think I came up with something much more innovative than I thought.
After about 4 weeks of not seeing my face, things healed and cleared up and it was almost as though that problem was erased…
In case you missed my first post, I’m currently a senior in college in my last semester; and this is the first time ever in my life that I don’t have a full-length mirror. (The bathroom at my roommate’s and my house also does not have a full-length mirror). To be honest, the reason why I didn’t get one was because I’m cheap. I have a small circular mirror that I hung up so I can (ironically) see only my face and figured that’s good enough. I haven’t seen a reflection of my entire body in months, and for the first time in years I don’t leave the house dwelling on what my lower half looks like. And I think it’s because I can’t see it.
You’re probably thinking, Hannah the solution here isn’t to avoid seeing the things you’re self-conscious about, and you’re right! The solution is to accept and love your body just the way it is. To not compare yourself to others, because as many have said before ‘healthy looks different for everyone.’ But- unfortunately that’s easier said than done. The mind is powerful and the devil is too. When you ingrain an idea very deep in your mind, you’re not just gonna wake up one day and have it gone. It takes time, a lot of training, and for me a lot of praying.
By not seeing a full-length version of myself while I retrain my mind to a healthier mentality, has helped the process progress more than I ever realized. To think, if I wasn’t cheap and bought a full-length mirror for this semester, I don’t think I would have the healthier state of mind that I do.
Somehow it didn’t dawn on me that my cheapness was used to heal until a couple weeks ago. I went home for the weekend and saw a reflection of myself in my full-length mirror at home, and when I did, I didn’t think twice about it. I made sure my outfit didn’t look bizarre and I walked away. Then it hit me- I hadn’t seen what I looked like from top to bottom in months, and when I did, I didn’t dislike what I saw… believe what you want my friends, but God is good.
One day I’ll buy a full-length mirror again, maybe. But it’s been so liberating to not even give the devil the chance to say the same lie to me everyday. It’s kind of amazing that you can take away something so simple and have such life-changing results. I feel like my days are different because there isn’t a consistent, burdening, heavy thought consuming my mind and therefore I’ve found to have more confidence in myself because of it. There’s more space in my mind to focus on my friends, school, God and even myself.
Let’s encourage each other to be the healthiest version of ourselves we can be!
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