Who here is a planner, raise your hand! (*Raises hand while typing*) I started college subconsciously thinking I was God (that's dangerous). "So I'll live in the dorms the first 2 years, and then be an RA my junior year, and live in KE my senior year, and I'll live in Chicago over the summers and work, and do the Chicago Semester the last semester of college, and I won't make any close friends because I'm only here for school anyway, oh and I definitely won't date anyone or even have guys friends because that's not for me." I'm ashamed to say the poorly uninformed child who said that, was me.
I know I mentioned it before, but when I went away to college, I prayed so hard the night before my first move-in day that God would not let me change- at all. And 4 years later, I can't explain how thankful I am that God essentially said, "ha that's a cute thought, but no."
Let me just say, only about 20% of those things in my 'plan' actually happened, and I can confidently say with 100% certainty, God's plan was way better. (Now if only I can take what I've learned into the future).
I did live in the dorms my first 2 years of college (I had to), I did live in Chicago over the summers and work (God provided 3 internships that really helped me build my resume and skills), and I did do the Chicago Semester the second semester of my senior year... well sort of...
I did not become an RA my junior year (I realized I would've been terrible at it), I did not live in the on-campus apartments my senior year (I lived in the cutest house with the best roommates and friends ever), I did not stay isolated by myself (I found my best friends who I consider 'my people' and forever friends), and while I did not date anyone in college, I found guy friends who I consider some to be best friends.
When it comes to Chicago, I remember feeling uncertain about going back in November, and telling my friend "I wonder if it's a mistake that I'm going." He told me to pray about it, and I did, but I didn't get a clear answer from God saying "don't go" even though I didn't feel certain about it. So I started the Chicago Semester trusting God that I was there for a purpose and believing if He didn't want me there, He wouldn't have me there.
7 weeks in, the COVID 19 came to the United States and shut everything (and I mean, everything) down. All the Chicago Semester students were sent home, and of course I thought 'is this my chance to go to Michigan?' God said, "nope. Not yet." Michigan and Illinois are on lockdown until further notice, so while God didn't want me in Chicago, He also doesn't want me in Michigan either right now. He wants me home, with my family.
On a long drive with my sister to a Starbucks very far away (we look for any reason to get out of the house) we talked about how this situation feels like God saying "I meant what I said when I said trust Me. Live everyday one day at a time. You can make plans, but it's ultimately Me who guides your footsteps." I like routine and I like plans, and right now, I can't have either of those. So while I tried to plan my entire life out when I was 18 years old, I learned I can't do that- and I can't even plan for tomorrow.
We can make plans, but we can't be set in them; because sometimes God says "actually I have something better." So I'm living with a 99% mentality. I was 100% sure I was doing the Chicago Semester, I was 100% sure I was going to graduate, I was 100% about a lot of things; and right now I'm learning to accept what I say I believe "that God's plan is better."
I'm not really sure about a lot of things right now, but the things I am pretty sure about (like that the sun is going to come up tomorrow) I'm keeping it at a 99% sure. I don't know what God has up His sleeve, I'm just trusting that it's good. Like, really good.
"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10
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